I am so afraid so much of the time and of so many things. Seems to me I've been afraid ever since I can remember. I fight it with hate, judgment, and isolation. I just don't know how to shake it off. God promises me that He has not given me a spirit of fear, but of love and sound mind. And yet, I find myself hateful and full of anxiety. And what do I fear? Do I fear love itself? Am I so broken that I can't even allow others to love me? Do I ultimately push them away in order to fulfill my own fate of isolation? My own self loathing?
I have been hurt so deeply by those entrusted to protect me and care for me. I have stories, sad stories of what was done and how I responded. It shattered my little soul and now I'm left with jagged edges that cut others who get too close in order to protect myself.
I know the God of all creation, the Savior of all humanity, and yet, I find myself fearful and unable to response to uncomfortable situations without hate and judgment. God help me.
No comments:
Post a Comment