painting pretty pictures

We've been here two months, ONLY TWO MONTHS; and I am miserable. Everything is hard. I have only two friends; I need dozens more.  I am very tired of this culture.  Everything here---yes! EVERYTHING is done half-ass. Everything needs to be fixed.  EVEN BRAND NEW FURNITURE NEEDS TO BE FIXED!!  I hate hauling water! I hate not having what I need to bake! I hate improvising for measuring cups---the cookies never come out right!  I can not understand how anyone can think THIS life is so exciting and fulfilling??

Not so pretty, eh? Kind of ugly, actually.

Ugly colors make ugly pictures. So here I am, a missionary---with the responsibility to communicate back to the church on how God is working.  But, truth be told, I think it's more like helping the church feel good about supporting us. Ya see, during our previous missionary travels, I publicly shared my personal struggles---honestly, openly, and without filters. So many from over 20 other supporting churches expressed sincere appreciation for my true colors, which, of course, encouraged me to keep sharing.  However, after being confronted by our church leadership about my not so pretty depictions of life on the mission field, I realized they preferred a lighter shade of my true colors---don't change them, just lighten it up. The message I got: Paint pretty pictures with not so pretty colors.

So that's it...people want to feel good about supporting missionaries.  Why of course! And pretty pictures feel good.  It's so missionary-like to write and express about the wonderment of living on the mission field, the great work being done in the name of Christ, and the utter satisfaction of living a life set apart. The irony is that every missionary knows that this is not the real story. But it's the story my church leadership wants to hear--oh, let a touch pity be seen, but if the missionary's experience is too ugly, or too hard, or too sad, or too whatever, then it must not be from God.  Surely, God's will is 'happily ever after.'  What a pip!

And since I mentioned God's will---could it be that God's will is wherever we find ourselves, regardless of our personal comfort or present state of mind? Is not God's will to be with us? Sometimes life just ain't pretty...even when we are walking humbly with God in faithful obedience. Sometimes the journey is just hard, ugly, sad, and utterly lonely.

Sometimes there's just nothing pretty to paint.

christian taliban

The American culture wars are so fascinating to me.  As an self-proclaimed fence sitter, my opinion can vacillate on most all issues.  I seek to find the compromise; solutions are always in the middle.

The current scuttlebutt in the news is over statements made by a company owner who professes to be a christian.  This owner was interviewed by a christian program and in that interview he stated that they, as a company, supported the biblical view of the traditional family unit.  That statement was then misquoted as being 'against gay marriage' which resulted in flooding the social media with all kinds of interesting, provocative, and quite frankly, ignorant comments. I tried to stay away from it all but I just couldn't help myself....I'm such a sucker for controversial conversation.  I just love a good dialogue that explores all sides.

It was there in the verbiage of someone's rant that I saw "christian Taliban" used as a description of the born-again politicians who legislate their religious morals.  This struck me in the heart and has stayed with me.  As offensive as it was, something about it rang true.  I can honestly see how someone of a different religion or value system could feel oppressed by those who hold traditional values and who are in power to change or make policies based on those values.  I can honestly see how the evangelical, right-wing, born-again christian values are perceived as being shoved down the public's throat.  We must never be a christian Taliban. God forbid!

Separation of Church and State is absolutely essential for people, all people, to be truly free.

I think I just changed my politics.

feminism

My journey began as a child of the 70's; during the rise of feminism.  It was a confusing time for a girl, but an empowering time as well.  Back then I remember a story about my friend and me making the cut to be the very first girls to play on the Little League in our small New Hampshire town.  We had two teams back then due to the large interest, the Little League and a a farm league. We played on the farm league.  And me being left-handed I played first base.  But just the fact of having girls in the league at all was progressive for our little town.  I remember the jaunts and jeering well.  But we were pretty good handling and hitting the ball.  And we loved the game and team, and in the end that's what mattered.  Boys are all about balls.

Darrow L. Miller and Stan Guthrie in the book "Nurturing the Nations: Reclaiming the Dignity of Women in Building Healthy Cultures" exposes the age old misogynistic lie that men are superior to women.  A lie that has been passed down and bought by every culture, every religion, every nation since the fall of humankind in the garden.
Boys are not better than girls; and girls are not better than boys.  However, in our world today there are many instances where the preference for men is so deep rooted we don't even recognize it within our family structures. Not to mention the exploitation, abuse, oppression, and murder of women is the global norm.  Global gender inequality is a huge issue--what can one person do to turn the tide?  What can the Church do? Where is our responsibility?  Where do we even begin?  The work is great for even in the Church, many have embraced this very lie.

As for me, my passion has been rekindled; empowering women to speak out while exposing the lie in the our societies, churches, and communities. Today I stand with the feminists, seeking to promote gender equality and exposing oppression in all it's forms.  May God go with me. 

the things that matter

"In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty, and in all things, love."

Recently, I was at a church where the preacher was talking about missions (imagine that).  He mentioned the Moravian church movement and their commitment to sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ to all people.  There's a great painting entitled "First Fruits" which portrays all the first converts from different tribes and clans.  It's a marvelous picture of unity in diversity. 

I've been wandering around with thoughts of the things that separate us and unify us.  There's been a rift in our church that has exposed the sin of men in leadership.  Not just our church, but the capital 'C' Church.  But interestingly, these very rifts are allowing for new thoughts and ways of doing church to emerge.  I think it's pretty exciting, if you ask me!  However, there's much division rising up over views and interpretations that essentially are non-essential.  It's a hard life when we focus on the non-essentials and allow them to divide us. So I wonder, what exactly is 'essential?'

It's the story of God. Creation by GOD the Father, the fall of humanity, redemption by GOD the Son, and reconciliation by GOD the Holy Spirit.

Creation, Fall, Redemption, Reconciliation.

How that all plays out in individual lives or collective cultures is as diverse as the anyone can imagine.  And quite possibly non-essential for that matter.

swim parallel

Sometimes I get caught in the bullshit of male authority.  Being a Christian hasn't helped in this case...subjecting myself to an institution that historically and sacredly has embraced male leadership.  For me, I can go to great mental and real scenarios that leave me hurt, confused, and scared.  I just don't know how to stop it.

My therapist made an interesting observation of how I was caught up in something I didn't have any control over.  She said I reminded her of someone being caught in a rip tide.  The feeling resonated.  Then she asked me what are we are supposed to do when we get caught in one.

You can't fight a rip tide.  You must swim parallel with the coast.  There is no resistance when we swim parallel.  It's the way to be free of the current.

There's a lesson here beyond the current.

I can't fight the rip tide, the social constructs of male authority, but I can swim parallel.

on spiritual matters

I am a Christian.  I would even go so far as to say I am a born again Christian, even though that has negative connotations in our culture.  But it is what I am; let it be said for the record.  But let it also be said that I am becoming less and less comfortable associating with the right-wing, conservative, fundamental, evangelical subculture.  I find that subculture extreme and excessive in nearly all things. Come on, helicopter egg drops? Smoking stages? Campuses for thousands? Really?

I'm not so sure this is what Jesus meant when he said to Peter, "build my Church."

Fact is, the North American Church spends millions of dollars on promotion, presentation, pastoral and staff support while the Asian and African Church starve.  Not to mention the myriad of social injustices that plagues humanity today.  Injustices such as poverty, AIDS/HIV, the oppression and abuse of women, and the orphan crisis, just to name a few.  Injustices that I believe as Christians, as the Church, should be our focus and priority.

This is what I read in my Bible:
  Matthew declares our 'acts of righteousness' as giving to the needy, praying, and fasting. 
  Micah tells us to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God.
   James says true religion looks after orphans and widows and guards against corruption.
  And Jesus himself says we have but two commandments; to love God and to love others.

I dare say that God is not pleased with our collective indulgence while the needy elsewhere goes without.

Am I the only one who sees this?