life on the other side

Here we are...living as missionaries again.  I can't help but wonder how I ever got here.  I mean, I am not a nice person.  I struggle with so much; hatred, jealousy, lust, envy.  The list is endless.  And yet, for whatever reason, God has offered me this incredible opportunity (again) to bring the love and light of God to many hurting and hungry people.  He has given me a ministry to serve His Church.  

It's such an honor to be 'called' to serve the Kingdom....and to actually GO.  To actually TRUST God and watch in awe as He meets all our needs through His good and generous people.  But even more than that, it's been wonderful to find that people are actually good.  God's people are kind and tender.  For so long I have feared them.  And now, on the other side, I can only the goodness.

How gracious of God to give me another chance to show my deep love for His Church.  I just hope I don't screw it up.

everything's different

This time it's different.  The transition, the feelings, the expectation.  I am learning to love the ones I'm with and be present with God.  And I'm learning new things about God. I feel as if my eyes have been opened and I'm gaining new insights, new understandings about the world around me and how I am to live in it.

Pretty cool.

and we're off...

God gave us favor, once again.  We have left well this time.  Despite the tears and sorrow, there were many laughs and good times remembered.  It was a good departure.

At the house, it was sweet, sweet sorrow.  Tears and hugs clung tight.  

At the airport, we were graced with favor again.  There seems to be a good feeling in the air, a good Spirit all around us.  New and old friends, family, and the son my our best friend came to help.  It was a  rather motley crew but ever so precious. 

And now it time to sit and wait.  I love this part best; all the work is done and we wait for our flight.  It's a kind of 'pause.'  I like to pause. 

...until we're off again. 

how bad is bad?

Just wondering....I mean, I have been having some fun and letting my hair down. But I can't help but wonder if I am being bad.  God, I want to be a child that brings joy and love and happiness to all I meet.  So why do I feel bad about that?  And then I question, how bad is bad? Where is the line?  It seems I knew it so well one time and now it isn't so clear. 

What happened?

on saying good-bye

Have you ever thought about the different kinds of good-byes?  Different good-byes for different occasions, different people.  Some good-byes are just for around town, a sort of 'see you later.'  But other good-byes are more like the kind that aren't really spoken, they're only felt; a kind of 'good riddens.'  And then there are those that are rip the heart right out of the chest.  The good-bye that's at the end of times as we know it; when we hoist our sails to head out in a new direction or step out of our boats altogether.  The kind that separates families and friends with distance and time.

This season of separation is upon me now; it's the end of times as I know them.  However, as the Lord would have it, I will also be saying yet a different kind of good-bye to a dear friend and special family members.  I will leave them behind sick.  I will most likely not see them again on this side of heaven.  This is most unsettling; these very last good-byes are the most soul searching.

It puts all the other good-byes into perspective.

christian taliban

The American culture wars are so fascinating to me.  As an self-proclaimed fence sitter, my opinion can vacillate on most all issues.  I seek to find the compromise; solutions are always in the middle.

The current scuttlebutt in the news is over statements made by a company owner who professes to be a christian.  This owner was interviewed by a christian program and in that interview he stated that they, as a company, supported the biblical view of the traditional family unit.  That statement was then misquoted as being 'against gay marriage' which resulted in flooding the social media with all kinds of interesting, provocative, and quite frankly, ignorant comments. I tried to stay away from it all but I just couldn't help myself....I'm such a sucker for controversial conversation.  I just love a good dialogue that explores all sides.

It was there in the verbiage of someone's rant that I saw "christian Taliban" used as a description of the born-again politicians who legislate their religious morals.  This struck me in the heart and has stayed with me.  As offensive as it was, something about it rang true.  I can honestly see how someone of a different religion or value system could feel oppressed by those who hold traditional values and who are in power to change or make policies based on those values.  I can honestly see how the evangelical, right-wing, born-again christian values are perceived as being shoved down the public's throat.  We must never be a christian Taliban. God forbid!

Separation of Church and State is absolutely essential for people, all people, to be truly free.

I think I just changed my politics.

dreamin'

Had a dream last night...strange things those dreams.  Makes me wonder what is trapped in this head of mine.  I have vivid dreams, intensely vivid dreams where I wake up convinced I just experienced the dream as if it just actually happened.  I oftentimes wake up so disoriented that I have no idea what day it is, where I am, or what I am doing.  And sometimes, not often, but sometimes I have to remember who I am.  It's crazy.

I have also noticed that as my stress level rises, the dreams become more bizarre.  In this dream I was some place rather public and I was topless.  It was strange in that it was ok that I was topless; it wasn't bothersome to anyone, including me.  I felt somewhat exposed but yet I was able to engage and interact with the people in the dream.  The exposure or embarrassment was more like a feeling you would have if you were under-dressed, that's all.  But still, I woke up wondering WHAT was THAT all about.

I am sure if I were to explore it more with a psychoanalyst I could decipher my unconscious and find underlying emotions, but I don't need to.  These dreams are what a friend once called 'anxiety dreams.'  We're moving across the world to live and serve in Africa!  Hello?  We have joined a new mission.  Stressful; wonderfully stressful.  I am in a position of great responsibility, therefore adding even more stress and anxiety.  I don't need a therapist to tell me all this stress and anxiety is coming out in my dream life.

But out of curiosity, I googled the Dream Dictionary online and found  a couple of different meanings for nakedness; vulnerability or openness.  Both seem to fit, as extreme as they are.  I am feeling vulnerable and yet have nothing to hide, I am open, as we press forward.  I have to admit, reading the meanings gave me a bit of comfort: A note of commonality. 

Hey, here's a wandering thought....maybe I should keep a dream log.  Oh man, that just might be the next 50 shades of.....Miss Jones.

Vulnerability or openness
Read more at: http://www.thecuriousdreamer.com/dreamdictionary/ Copyright 2012 The Curious Dreamer

Vulnerability or openness
Read more at: http://www.thecuriousdreamer.com/dreamdictionary/ Copyright 2012 The Curious Dreamer