changing channels

Therapy is an interesting and wonderful thing.  Introspection, insight, and talking it out has a power, an energy that fascinates me.  I have always been one who thinks deep and probing thoughts. 

I entered therapy with a well-seasoned therapist whose religious background was not like my own.  It was completely intentional to see someone who would not give me the pat answers often found in Christian circles.  I needed to go to places most Christians dismiss as selfish, sinful, and forbidden.  I needed to find me.

At one point, I was done. Full. Afraid, really. I went into our space intent on not returning to it again.  When she asked me why, I answered that I wanted to change channels--I was done with this show. She laughed; I went back. 

The funny thing is, my therapy was on a time constraint because I was moving overseas in August. We started it knowing it was going to stop after a few months. But I wanted to stop earlier than we planned. Quite frankly, I never wanted to start to begin with so I was always looking for an out.  In fact, I had to 'prepay' in order to keep going because I was certain I would have blown her off.  So therefore, it was good for me to 'finish' our time instead of cutting it short. That, in and of itself was therapeutic.  But now the time to part has come.

She helped me see me as I am.  She was so good to me and for me.  And I can say that because of her help, I am so much more aware of who I am.  I will miss her and our time together.  But I must move on from this place and focus elsewhere. It was time well spent, a show worth watching, a channel to consider.